This guy was walking down the street and this hooker says,
"hay, Wanna have a good time?"
"Sure", he says and they were off to the nearest motel.
She takes off her clothes and he keeps staring at her.
She says,
"Is this the first pussy you seen since you crawled out of one?"
The guy says: "Nope,
just the first one I've seen big enough to crawl back into."

Johnny was whittling and didn't realise that his zipper was down,
until he nearly cut his old fella off.
His old fella looked up at him and said ,
"look mate I know we've had a lot of fist fights,
But there's no need to pull a fucking knife on me!"

3 women were room mates.
One night they all had all gone out on dates
and all came home at about the same time.
The red head said, "You know you've been on a good date
when you come home with your hair all messed up."
The brunette said, "No, you know you've been on a good date
when you come home with your makeup all smeared."
The blonde said nothing, but reached under her skirt,
removed her knickers and threw them up to the ceiling, where they stuck. She said, "Now THAT'S a good date!"

Rodeo sex is good.
You talk the wife into doing it dog fashioned.
You grasp a tit in each hand,
whisper in her ear that her sister really loves it dog fashioned,
then try and hang on for eight seconds...

3 women sitting in a bar, the first woman says;
my holes so big ,my husband can fit his whole hand up it,
the second says ,that’s nothing ,
mines so big my ole man can stick his head in it,
the third girl laughed so hard she fell down the stool.

Teacher asks pupil...
which part of body goes to heaven 1st ?
Pupil replies legs Miss,
I've seen my mum wave her legs in the air screaming,
GOD I'm FUCKING CUMING!

A guy dies whilst making love to his wife.
A few days later the undertaker calls her and says,
"Your husband still has a hard-on, what shall I do with it?"
The wife replies, "Cut it off and shove it up his arse!"
The undertaker does as he is told.
On the day of the funeral the wife visits her husband for the last time
and sees a tear rolling down his face,
so she whispers in his ear,
"It fucking hurts don't it!"

Who invented the TERM
Suffers from Premature Ejaculation???
Must've been a woman,
because no man would call it suffering...

What doesn't belong in this list : Meat, Eggs, Wife, Blowjob?
Blowjob: You can beat your meat, eggs or wife,
but you can't beat a blowjob.

What does a dwarf get if he runs through a womans legs?
a clit round the ear and a flap across the face.

Whats white, sticky and found on the bathroom wall ?
George Michael's latest release ...

What's green and smells of pork ?
Kermit's finger.

Why don't men like to preform oral sex on a woman the morning after?
Have you ever tried pulling apart a grilled sandwich before?!